WARNING SIGNS
Early on in a relationship take note of these signs which could indicate that violence might occur later on.
1. A WHIRLWIND BEGINNING
HOW TO HANDLE THIS:
2. POSSESSIVENESS: You belong only to me
3. THE CHANGE: Out of the blue he becomes a different person with emotional extremes – someone you didn’t know before.
4. BLAMING: Everything is your fault.
5. VERBAL ABUSE
6. INSENSITIVITY towards others. He/she is the only one who counts
7. VIOLENT BEHAVIOUR: This is often related to jealousy. Someone like this warns you very specifically: “You will be sorry if I ever catch you talking to someone else.”
Does he have a history of violent behaviour? Was he a bully during his childhood? Did he witness violence in his parental home? Did he display violence towards his siblings?
Find out in good time whether such behaviour occurred in his past. Get the details and listen carefully … if he shows no remorse, if he does not express himself strongly against violent behaviour, problems can be expected. And remember: if he abuses you once, this probably means that it will happen again and again, even if he promises never to do it again!
Typical: When he abuses you, it is always your fault.
Read more about this in Dangerous Relationships: How to Stop Domestic Violence before it Stops You (Noelle Nelson) Reviews
1. A WHIRLWIND BEGINNING
- Everything is so romantic! It’s paradise!
- Too much, too soon.
- The relationship is like a drug – you are not thinking rationally.
- The attention is addictive.
- Your judgement is impaired and because of this you take poor decisions about the relationship.
- He/she presses you for sex too early in the relationship. This is part of his/her impulsiveness. (But later on in the relationship this impulsiveness is expressed as a tendency to angry outbursts.)
- He/she wants too much togetherness and doesn’t allow you to have a life of your own.
- He/she puts you on a pedestal – “You are the woman/man of my dreams” even if he/she scarcely knows you.
HOW TO HANDLE THIS:
- Put the brakes on early and THINK: Do I really want to get so intensely involved now?
- What do I really know about him/her?
- What were his/her previous relationships like? Is there a history of failed relationships where everybody “treated him so unfairly” or “left him in the lurch”?
- Don’t give up your own life: interests and friends.
- See that you get the respect you deserve.
- And if he loses interest? Then this was for the best – abusers often lose interest if you show that you are not going to allow yourself to be bulldozed.
2. POSSESSIVENESS: You belong only to me
3. THE CHANGE: Out of the blue he becomes a different person with emotional extremes – someone you didn’t know before.
4. BLAMING: Everything is your fault.
5. VERBAL ABUSE
6. INSENSITIVITY towards others. He/she is the only one who counts
7. VIOLENT BEHAVIOUR: This is often related to jealousy. Someone like this warns you very specifically: “You will be sorry if I ever catch you talking to someone else.”
Does he have a history of violent behaviour? Was he a bully during his childhood? Did he witness violence in his parental home? Did he display violence towards his siblings?
Find out in good time whether such behaviour occurred in his past. Get the details and listen carefully … if he shows no remorse, if he does not express himself strongly against violent behaviour, problems can be expected. And remember: if he abuses you once, this probably means that it will happen again and again, even if he promises never to do it again!
Typical: When he abuses you, it is always your fault.
Read more about this in Dangerous Relationships: How to Stop Domestic Violence before it Stops You (Noelle Nelson) Reviews
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