TRICHOTILLOMANIA
From the age of ten onwards I was in the habit of pulling hairs out of my scalp compulsively (trichotillomania), to such an extent that I had bald patches that I had to conceal by combing my hair over them. There was sometimes an improvement for months at a time and my hair grew well, but whenever I was stressed this was my default. This made me depressed, because therapy and medication did not help in the long run. This affected my entire life, especially my relationships with other people. For example, I was not comfortable about running into the surf with my children and splashing around because then everyone would be able to see how thin my hair really was ... Shortly before I turned 40 I was at a very low point in my life and I needed to get to the bottom of the problem. Through the grace of God I landed up with the right people and through processes facilitated by them God exposed those wounds and then healed them. At the spiritual level God had healed me completely but at the somatic level my habit of pulling out my hair was ingrained in pathways in my brain.
Around that time I read on the internet about a woman who counted the days on which she didn’t resort to hair pulling and I decided to do the same. I experienced the truth of Ps 90:12 (Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.) in my own life because as I counted the days I started to learn a lot about myself and I was able to make wise choices and change the situations in which I would usually have pulled my hair out. I exchanged the lie: “My situation is hopeless, nothing is going to help” with Ps 121:2: “My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” I revitalised my thinking by repeating this to myself often.
Right up to day 200 there were many days when I did pull out a hair or two, or even sometimes whole bunches. But I stayed focused on the days I could count, and did not get upset about the days when I regressed to hair pulling. I sent the number of days on which there was no hair pulling to a friend once or twice a week – she was my accountability partner. After day 200 I never again pulled any hair out of my scalp. I no longer keep daily records but every Sunday I add seven and everyone who visits us can see the number where I have recorded it.
Today, 18 November 2014 is the 760th day I have been letting my hair grow! Why am I still counting? Am I afraid I’ll go back to my old ways? No, I am still counting the days because I want to consciously experience gratitude for being free of something I had been finding very difficult to escape from. I struggled with this for 30 years of my life and now I am free of it! Every day now is a good hair day! I no longer need to hide this from other people and now when I run into the wind with my children and my hair gets blown about I breathe in thankfulness, because I am truly free!
Around that time I read on the internet about a woman who counted the days on which she didn’t resort to hair pulling and I decided to do the same. I experienced the truth of Ps 90:12 (Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.) in my own life because as I counted the days I started to learn a lot about myself and I was able to make wise choices and change the situations in which I would usually have pulled my hair out. I exchanged the lie: “My situation is hopeless, nothing is going to help” with Ps 121:2: “My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” I revitalised my thinking by repeating this to myself often.
Right up to day 200 there were many days when I did pull out a hair or two, or even sometimes whole bunches. But I stayed focused on the days I could count, and did not get upset about the days when I regressed to hair pulling. I sent the number of days on which there was no hair pulling to a friend once or twice a week – she was my accountability partner. After day 200 I never again pulled any hair out of my scalp. I no longer keep daily records but every Sunday I add seven and everyone who visits us can see the number where I have recorded it.
Today, 18 November 2014 is the 760th day I have been letting my hair grow! Why am I still counting? Am I afraid I’ll go back to my old ways? No, I am still counting the days because I want to consciously experience gratitude for being free of something I had been finding very difficult to escape from. I struggled with this for 30 years of my life and now I am free of it! Every day now is a good hair day! I no longer need to hide this from other people and now when I run into the wind with my children and my hair gets blown about I breathe in thankfulness, because I am truly free!
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